i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
