Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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