I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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