Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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