apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
