you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
