Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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