my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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