Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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