my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
