Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
