I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
