Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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