So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
