nut hugger
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
