oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
