Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
