i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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