She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
