She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize