My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
