i think my mom watched the whole time
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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