oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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