I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
