I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
