Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
