I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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