11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
