My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
