who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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