believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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