The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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