I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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