do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
