im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
