Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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