i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
