btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
