Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
