Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
