if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
