I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
