Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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