Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
