She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
