im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize