They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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