I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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