I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
