It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
