am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My ATM looks so different sober.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
