Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize