What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
