I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power