Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm