He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
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Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
only i would get off to receiving death threats online