I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.