I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
