fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
