i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
