i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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