The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
