Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
