id be glad to
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
