any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
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WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
do nipples grow back?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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