"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
